Hoping with a sense of hopelessness

This is a post that i admit going to be a bit cheesy
so this a warning
be prepared for something that is super cheesy
and yes if you don't like this post
you may leave now by closing this page thank you
and yes i do intent to make this post
dedicate to my super duper crush
YOU



This is a story about a boy
who always hope for something that he wasn't supposed to hoped for
he hoped to be a lawyer
but it just wasn't to be
he hoped to be a psychologist
but he was let down with the criteria
then he had to choose something that he don't actually have the passion
nor interest
but it was one of his strong points
which is english
to be more precised
it's TESL.
His expectation,
finished this programme as great as he could
and tried to get a scholarship
so that he can show the world he is capable in being at par with the best




As he went through the programme
he managed to make some friends
and he grew closed towards 2 human of the opposite gender
this wasn't a new thing him
as past times have taught him to be not attached to girls
because he knew that it won't end up great
but he was ignorance towards himself
he taught that maybe, just maybe it wasn't going to be like that
then a tragedy strucks




He became really attached towards one of them
and he realised that he had fall for her
he knew this shouldn't happen
it is wrong
he tends to make it go away
but the feelings just came stronger and stronger
he just can't hide it anymore
so he told her about this
although she takes it quite well
but he knew it can't be the same anymore




He always tried to woo her
he always ask her what is his chance
he always tried so hard in making sure that nothing will changed
he do even tried to resolute towards backing off
but she won't let him to not hanging out with her
he do know that in reality
she won't fall for him
he don't want to hoped for anything anymore
he don't want to feel the heartache
to make things worst
she already have her own choice
a smart boy with an aspiring to be a doctor
who had received the scholarship to pursue his study in Russia
even if that boy keep on wasting his chance
the girl will still always keep on waiting on him.
The boy just kept on smiling
hoping with a sense of hopelessness
that maybe just maybe
in a crazy universe
she would give him the chance that he long for




The story above is a true occurence
and yes it's still happening
let just hope that everything would be alright for him
that maybe just once he could have the thing that he hoped for
it's not like he isn't trying or anything
and for YOU
know this
i would only trade this friendship for ours for only one thing
and I think you do know what it is right?

A friend in need is a friend indeed

It's been quite a while since i last posted here
i do know my blogging skills is a bit rusty
but nevertheless i'll try ny best to entertain
and give you something to think about



Friends
who doesn't need them?
let it be the alpha male or the non alpha female
friends is a must have item for everyone
how do you define a friend?
is a friend is purely someone who is great to be hang out with?
is a friend purely on someone who like giving us advice?
or maybe someone who thinks alike?
If you ask me
I would say that
friend is someone who knows how to react
who understands without knowing much
who can tag along without being asked
that is a friend


From the beginning of my life in Uitm
I wouldn't believe that I'm gonna find anyone as great as my old friend
someone like hazman
someone like miry
they are irreplaceable
yet things does intrigued me
for instance, amjad
he's quite a character
someone who is very funny yet very understanding
luke, the bald gangster from sarawak
someone whom everyone considers as a weirdo
but try talk to him for a change
you'll realised he isn't that bad
and of course an honourary mention
to Hannan
the Besut kid who always stole my clothes haha
yes there are those like azree and labu
but sorry you didn't quite make my list YET haha
Yet
none of them I consider as my best friend
yes they are my friends
just not the best
except for amjad of course




The best of friend I found here in Uitm
comes in the form of someone who laugh so hard
that when people hear it
their eyebrow rises and go like  "haa?"
Her name is
yes it's a She haha
Nur Afatin Rahmat Binti Sarif
At first sight, she do looks quite gedik and spoilt
but after lepaking with her
i realised she is totally different from that
she's quite funny
she knows how to take a joke
she can be the serious one
but
she can also be a bit nutty at times
her punch and slaps do got its own stings haha
but the greatest thing about her is
she understands me so well
there are things i know that when i told her it'll be safe
that it won't change anything
she knows how to carve a smile when i'm a bit down
and yes
she do takes care of me like for example
tutup mulut tu!
buat kerja lah!
siapa suruh makan!
and more haha
one more thing
she's quite slow haha




Afa and Lisa
both of you truly gives me reason to go to Intec
reason for me to keep on smiling
reason for me to keep on studying
Thank You Allah
for blessing me with such great friend like amjad and afa
i truly am grateful for them
I really really hope that nothing will change our friendship
because without you ladies and gentlemen
I am nothing
I really love you guys
I truly am

kekurangan kau kemahuan aku

kekurangan

siapa tak punya kekurangan?

ada punya tulisan buruk

ada punya mata kecil sebelah

ada punya bibir sumbing

namun

siapa kita nak persoal mereka

mereka tidak pinta begitu

mereka tidak kisah jadi begitu

tapi kita terlalu menghukum

kita agung yang cantik

kita lanyak yang hodoh

hingga mereka rasa tersisih

hingga mereka rasa hina

kau mahu dia sempurna di mata kau

kau mahu hidungnya mancung

kau mahu bibirnya tebal

kau mahu matanya bulat

tapi apa kau tahu apa dia rasa

dia taksub dengan kau

dia lakukan segala untuk kau

dia mahu jadi terbaik di mata kau

dia lupa erti dosa bila dengan kau

bila kau rasa kemanisan dia

kau buang dia di jalanan hina

kekurangan kita perlu terima

indah atau tidak bukan kita untuk tentu

jangan ubah diri kerana seseorang

jangan kau pinta mahu bedah

kau ingatlah segalanya berhikmah

ketetapan ilahi tidak pernah salah

namun

masyarakat perfectionist yang bersalah

mahukan kesempurnaan dalam segala

sedangkan kau dan aku lebih tahu

bukan kesempurnaan yang perlu dikejar

tapi kecemerlangan

terima diri kita seadanya

jangan pernah rasa tak berguna

tuntasnya

kecantikan,kehodohan,kekacakan itu semua pendapat orang

kau boleh ubah jika kau percaya

kau pekakkan mereka yang menghina

kau butakan mereka yang mengejek

kau tenangkan hati kau dan percayalah

kau aku dan mereka semua juga manusia

pasti wujud juga kekurangan

sentiasa kau ingat

kita manusia ciptaan terbaikNYA

wujudnya kekurangan agar kita rasa rendah

agar kita sedar kekuasaan yang esa

terima diri kita seadanya

aku percaya aku dan kau mampu laluinya

apa sudah jadi dengan kita?

pada suatu pagi yang mendung

aku bangkit dari lenaku

lalu aku menyelak langsir untuk melihat panoramaku

namun apa yang aku lihat hanyalah kacau bilau

apa yang aku dengar hanyalah jeritan dan tangisan

apa yang aku hidu hanyalah darah dan gas2 beracun.

di saat ini aku mulai sedar

segala yang berlaku semua salah kita

bila persefahaman sudah hilang erti

bila pergaduhan menjadi solusi

bila air mata menjadi sebati

aku sedar kita cuba menegakkan fahaman kita

namun tanpa kisah akan fahaman lain

aku faham kita punya pandangan berbeza

namun tidak semestinya kita sahaja yang benar

kau salahkan insan2 lain

sedangkan diri kau punca segalanya

adakah kita tidak mahu keamanan lagi?

adakah kita mahu kacau bilau terus berlarutan?

adakah kita mahu darah bertitisan tanpa makna?

aku tidak kesiankan kau dan mereka

aku kesiankan golongan muda

mereka punya hak untuk berasa selamat

mereka punya hak pendidikan

namun kita rampas kerana taksub dengan ideologi kita

kita taksub dengan kekuasaan dunia

sedangkan kekuasaaan ilahi lebih hebat

aku bukan perkatakan ada pihak yang benar

aku perkatakan kita semua bersalah

kita sendiri musnahkan segalanya

lambang kemegahan bangsa beriya dibanggakan

namun tiada apa dapat ditunjukkan

usahlah kita terus begini

aku terlalu letih untuk terus begini

aku rindu duniaku yang dulu

aku rindu di saat kita masih boleh berlari bebas

disaat masih wujud nilai toleransi

namun aku sedar

alaf ini tiada jalannya

aku harus terima apa yang berlaku

kerana inilah hakikat dunia

di atas merupakan bayangan penulis berkenaan dgn bagaimana rupa dunia pada 2050

ini bukan karutan lalai semata mata

namun cuba anda fahamkan cerita itu

sedar atau tidak

ada yang telah berlaku

ada yang sudah ada tanda2

mungkin cerita aku sedikit bombastic

namun apa yang aku bayangkan

hanyalah melalui pemerhatianku terhadap dunia kini

ini bukan post politics or anything

just that i want you guys to realised we are going towards this direction

wake up from your slumber

berapa lama lagi kita mahu terus sangkut dalam lamunan

sedarlah wahai anak anak muda

peperangan tidak pernah jadi penyelesaian

aku cintakan generasi akan datangku

aku mahu mereka rasakan apa yang aku rasa mungkin lebih baik

konklusi di sini

ianya semudah

bersatu kita teguh bercerai kita roboh

kekarutan dalam kekeliruan

okay tajuk tu tu saja je
actually i don't really know what i want to talk about
so let's see what will come out shall we






how do you defined rindu?
if you ask me
rindu is a feeling of longing for something or someone
like for example
"rindunye nak makan nasi lemak mak maimon"
"rindulah nak tengok muka si fauzan tu"
"baby,i miss you freakin damn much baby"(okay eeeeeeeeew)
that is some of the dialogue that define rindu to me lah that is
okay mesti ada yang tertanya2
why talk about rindu?
the reason here is because i am sure mana2 budak yang sama umur dgn aku
confirm is feeling this
some rindu of their friends
some rindu of their childhood
some rindu of their past achievement
some rindu of plkn perhaps haha
but almost everybody rindu to relieve their glory years which is
zaman sekolah lah







like yesterday i went through my twitter account
the trending topic is
#KehidupanDiSBP
nampak bebenor rindu kat sekolahnya
not just that
if you open your fb account
i'm sure you must have at least seen
"rindunya nak sekolah balik"
at least once on your news update
tak tipu i'm one of them
tapi takdalah sampai nak post kat wall
simpan dalam hati dah lah










many people actually bukannya rindu sangat2 dekat sekolah
but they are afraid to open a new chapter in their life
mana taknya
sekolah dulu relax je kan makan minum semua ada
nak lepak2 mak bagi duit
but now
things have changed
they are worried because they have to live on their own
tapi taklah on their own sangat
percayalah your first at universities mcm asrama je
so tak payah nak gelabah nak bayar bil semua tu
dah year ke berapa ke barulah boleh duduk luar kampus
unless ipts la
(kalau salah minta maaf aku pun bukan tau sgt)
so relax
you still got a long way wahai para lepasan spm 2011







okay actually i too sort of worried about that
tapi fikir balik
relax sudah haha
and to S
saja nak sebut baru nampak caring haha
I do miss you so much
i really do
i don't know if we could go on a date anymore coz when you're free
i probably be busy haha
anyway bukan S dpt baca pun
tapi kalau dapat baca okay jugak haha
okay dah dah la tu
perut pun dah berpeluh
i know this post is quite boring
tapi kisah apa aku
blog aku bukan korang haha

why i hate reminiscing

okay it's been a while since my last post
so this post is just for those who miss to read my blog haha
okay shall we start




reminiscing
i hate it so much
because it brings back memories
it brinngs back regrets
it brings back greatness
which you always know that you can't have them back
okay like tadi i went through a friend's old album at facebook
i laughed when i look back at them
i regret for not being good enough to them
i regret that some of them are not close to me as i used to
even some has become enemies
but the worst part of it is
i miss that moment so so so much







the album i'm talking about is memories of 2010 on kecik's fb
it really brings back memories that i had forget
i actually laughed sorang2 kot when looking back at those picture
then i stopped watching
bukan dah bosan
but i suddenly think of what happen in 2011
mcm2 benda kot dh berubah
let me highlights a few of them
me and kecik are not closed friend anymore
yes we are friends but just not that close
miry and me well tu tak berubah kot
cuma in 2011 me and him kurang skit kerapatan maybe sbb lain kelas kot
hazman and me
we are still close even until now and itu tak berubah since 2010 kot haha
me and adam bertambah rapat in 2011 tp in 2010 tnyalah adam macam mana haha
i grow to closer to strangers in 2011
but those who i used to be close in 2010
some of them become strangers
and even one become enemy for a while haha







so the conclusion here is
stop reminiscing of the past
all of it is just memories
you can't get them back
that best friend you lost because of a silly picture
that best friend who you used to sleep together with
that best friend who you used to hate
all of that are memories which you can never get it back
i regret a lot of things
my biggest regret is i think kecik knows what
tapi benda dah jadi
kalau asyik nak pandang belakang
depan kau nak campak mana?
okay enough for me now
ini memang luahan hati actually
and i will give everything that i have
to maintain what i have in 2010
the relationship
the fun
all about 2010 lah senang cakap
and still have it now in 2012

cemburu

cemburu
setiap insan pasti pernah merasa cemburu
cemburu lihat kejayaan orang lain
cemburu tengok adik dapat lebih
cemburu tengok orang lain berpasangan
cemburu melihat pasangan dengan insan lain
ada pelbagai lagi situasi
tapi tak larat nak tulis semua
jadi
apa itu cemburu?








cemburu ditakrifkan sebagai jealous in english
dalam kamus dewan edisi irfan haziq
cemburu ditakrifkan sebagai suatu perasaan umpama marah
melihat apa yang dimiliki tidak selebih orang lain
dalam takrif lain
cemburu juga adalah melihat apa yang dimiliki sedang sibuk dengan insan lain
jadi apa sebab nak cemburu?
bukan boleh pegi mana pun kan?
cemburu ni kita bukan senang nak kawal macam kereta kontrol
dia datang dari hati
kadang2 setan yang influence kita
bergantunglah
sama ada cemburu positif atau cemburu negatif





apa itu cemburu positif?
cemburu positif adalah cemburu lalu kita perbaiki diri untuk lebih hebat
sperti cemburu melihat orang berjaya
jadi kita pun bertekad untuk jadi lebih hebat
untuk jadi lebih sukses
bagi pasangan yang sedang bermadu kasih
cemburu positif adalah dengan memperbaiki diri
dengan tunjuk kita kisah
bukan kongkong dia
paksa dia jangan bergaul itu dan ini






cemburu negatif
cemburu dimana melihat kejayaan orang itu dan mahu menjatuhkannya
cemburu melihat pasangana anda lalu mengongkongnya
merajuk
c'mon la
that's not gonna get you anywhere lah
if you truly want to be jealous
then let it be positive
jadi negative ni bukan dapat apa2 pun
silap2 kita yang terkena balik
like i'm having right now kn S?
tp salah saya jugak
bajet nak merajuk
nak marah
sepatutnya kita kena yakin yang pasangan kita tu
akan setia dengan kita









S
post ini actually i want to dedicate to you
I am really really sorry for not trusting you
even when you say that I could trust you
If you want to be mad at me
then it's up to you
but no matter what S
i will always love you
Thanks for loving me back S
and this song
is what i want to become for you S